Anti social media

                  Anti-Social Networks

I don't feel like I owe anyone any explanations about my self imposed social media ban. However, I've been feeling the writing bug recently, and figured, "what better to write about? "

I am fairly open about the fact that I suffer from depression. I even made a YouTube video explaining how it affects me: https://youtu.be/JB0iHjnIgsY . I have noticed that much of what I read our interact with online has a negative impact on me. For example, a lot of things that I read on Facebook, even from friends, are filled with racist remarks. People calling Obama a monkey; blaming him for things he didn't do. People saying that we should kill all Muslims because every last one is a killer. 

When people differ in opinion, one group calls the other retarded, questions their capability to even achieve cognitive function. I stood by the idea of a trans person in the military, stating that if they wavy to put their life on the line to protect the country, more power to them. Some one recommended that I join the military myself so that I could get killed in battle. 

Sometimes people even bring in religion to bring others down. Just recently, Pacquiao just said those of us who aren't heterosexual are worse than animals and should be stoned to death.  One of my ex co-workers commented the day after marriage equality was passed "l cried today when the law was passed. This world is going to hell". I understand you religion says that it's wrong to be gay/bi, but to say that my life isn't worth living is doing to far. I would never insist my way is right, nor would I ask them to participate in my practices. The differences are what make life so great. 

There have been times that all this negativity on the world has made me question whether I really want to be in it anymore, which is an awful way to be.  And, ironically, even though I know it's bad, I still check every once in awhile, but don't interact. It's like an alcoholic who takes sips of wine to prove that they aren't addicted anymore. (Don't worry, I will not self-harm, and I am back on medications to keep my moods stable, BIG step).

When I use social media, I keep my circles small and expect few if any responses. I do, however, find it disheartening when I try to do things that involve participation, but never get a response. All the time, you see online about people who ask celebs to prom. The celeb'll say yes, fun time, end of story. I tried doing this when I did my first marathon. I asked Lee Pace to meet me at the finish line since no one else was going to be there. I understand that he's busy and gets a crap load of nonsense tweets. I just wish I could've gotten even a "sorry, no" response.  With 69 viewers, I was hoping eventually the word would creep along. 

https://youtu.be/mYP9BE5MvYU 

Same thing with when I tried the Dream Job contest. I was happy I got some votes, but even with pushing family and constant messages, I was still towards last place. These are things that I don't blame anyone on, it's just that I need to learn how to interact more and get people to listen. The first step though is learning how to connect with real people again. I always feel like a bother and tend to pull away if I feel like I'm putting anyone out. When I feel more comfortable with human interaction, I will ease my way back into social media. 

I leave you with some musings on where my life would be with different choices made. I know I've posted it before, but rereading this seems to take the point home.

https://m.facebook.com/notes/eric-melson/meanderings/10152410195199202/?ref=bookmarks