Two friends now gone from Myspace
Letter from Detria today:
Periodically I do read your blogs. It just feels like I'm reading something personal...which I am. I NEVER gave you gave you a guilt trip. I've been trying to reach out to you...with no response. Everything I say or do is left w/o a response from you (texts, voice mail, letters) This is the third time I've needed someone these past 6 months and you haven't been around...that's a guilt trip. If you honestly care...you can always give me a call or just ask Rebecca the person you apparently miss and hope to hurry home soon...not me.
Shocked and incredibly hurt, but of course I already know....you don't care. Got it.
Okay, hypocricy rings :
She tells me she's pissed that I dont' share anything..then she tells me that she's read my blogs, but felt they were too personal. Umm...yeah. And I even created THIS blog so that she could find all the important stuff in one place instead of searching around. Also, there's this little button on the bottom of each post, where you can respond to to it. Numbers responded to by her : ZERO
I didn't respond to the letter...wasn't that the whole point of the original post here? I've already explained the other ones...but now this one too. I also mention what pissed me off, and there she does it again(she may not realize that she's done it before, but this time, she admits it).
You know, yes I've BLOG RESPONDED to Becky telling her I miss her, sometimes she's a lot more easy going and open minded. Obviously, even though i've tried to explain and everything, its not enough for her..because it's not exactly what she wanted.
but of course I already know....you don't care. Got it...shit like that..makes me not want to, and if this is what she put her ex-bfs through I don't blame them for leaving. That might sound harsh, but it needed to be said.
I don't need this kind of stress in my life, so she will no longer be in it. And obviously, I'm some kind of conflict between her and Becky, and I refuse to be a source of conflict, so I am removing her from my friends too. I really think I'm bad news for most people, so it won't be such a bad loss for either one.
This is the end of that, and I WANT NO COMMENT POSTS ON THIS ONE.
4 comments:
hey eric :)
i never knew about this blog.
i will always be your friend. btw, there is no conflict between dee and i because of you.
miscommunication. simply said.
dude we need to play cooking mama when i get back
oh btw i LOVE your blogger space name.
Bi-bi guy...i feel like dancing like justin timberlake.. bi bi bi.
ha ha
i dont read well. i commented. sorry.
three times too. doh.
Sigh...what the hell (normally I don't curse), I can be quite the rebel too!
(and a slight perfectionist)
Eric, I've been friends with you for over 6 years. We've NEVER EVER fought!
There's no conflicts between Beckie and I because of you, I suspect, this is because of something that went down that apparently I have NO idea about and I appear to be paying for it.
I have been confused and in tears over our friendship for the past months. I wrote that letter and gave you that card in an effort to let you know that I don't think that you are "just Eric", but honestly a great person. Didn't mention that part in the blog did you...
Instead you selectively chose to respond to certain parts, which is wonderful, but it's clear by your post that you still "don't get it."
I never said I was pissed that you don't share your life with me. I said I always wondered why you don't share parts of your life with me (like you were protecting me from your darker sides). Big difference. I mentioned it in case you wanted to and you felt like you couldn't, because I wouldn't care. Well now you know, of course I care....but only if you want to.
When stuff happened back in April, I thought about it. I couldn't believe the way you had reacted. You had always been there for me and when I needed someone, and especially since I hadn't hung out with you (except Walmart) in several months, it felt like I got shot down. Normally, not a big deal, but that time, it REALLY did matter.
In mid APRIL you had a "3 day weekend" and you INVITED me to hang out with you during this time. So I called you up that Friday (and yes you were at dinner) and called again when I was back from Cruces to try to make plans. I was so excited, I wanted to check out the new movie theater (at Bassett), since I hadn't seen a movie at the theater in over 6 months! Except, "no, I've seen that movie twice" and "no, I have plans to see that movie with someone else" and "no, I don't like the sound of that one", etc. I offered to see something at the dollar theater and we still couldn't agree and at that point I was frustrated, but mostly just disappointed.
It appeared like you honestly didn't care to do anything with me, it certainly didn't have to be a movie. Since I've found that guys really don't care if they hurt you, I txt'd that I was pissed (a mixture of both actually). I really REALLY needed to go out and I had also missed spending time with you (in case you thought I didn't care)...and was surprised that you didn't offer to hang out, some other day that weekend.
Mickey said that you mostly just didn't do anything that weekend, but slept. If you had said that you were just seriously tired and that if we could do it another time, I would have accepted it. It would have suxed, but that's better than thinking you didn't give a damn. Yes, you txt me back that we could maybe go out to dinner after Finals.....but that was 3 weeks away and I really really needed to get out of the house, be among friends, just do something fun a lot sooner. I txt'd you something about going out on Monday instead and.....you never responded back.
Hmm... MAY comes around and I txt you the message you mentioned on 7/26, because I was trying to reach out to you. Let you know that if you're feeling bad and if you don't want to hang, it's cool. If you are pissed at me, I wish you wouldn't be because I still think you're a great guy. No guilt trip, honestly just trying to talk to you in a playful manner. Except...you were apparently still pissed at me so that backfired (oops).
Because of everything that I've been going through, it got to the point that it affected my health. Mickey's not here, Karen has her baby and Lore is busy in nursing school and Beckie's far away. Yet, in the end they all found out what was going on because they called or we hung out briefly, but not you. You didn't call me in JUNE either, not even after I called you and left a message saying how it appears like we both feel we were wronged and that we should talk about it, because I really miss my friend.
No response.
So, I read your blog and Beckie's blog and I was able to get the jist that something happened to you earlier in April that made you decide to "fuck" everyone else. Someone hurt/pissed you off for the last time. Yet here's the thing, when haven't I been there for you, if you truly wanted me to be? When have we ever fought? When have I treated you with disrespect?
Yes, several times in various blogs you've mentioned people "always getting their way" and that's something you also mentioned to me back in April. Except, I told you that we could do whatever you wanted and you still knocked me down. I had no idea you had so much resentment inside. I honestly thought you didn't care. Yet if you really wanted to fight for it, if neccessary we certainly could have flipped a coin a few more times.
If you really wanted me to go karyoking with you, for example, I would've gone (I've asked a few times). You certainly could have said something to me (all of us?) A LOT sooner. Yet, for the record, remember when I used to drive you around and pay for you? Once you got a good job and a car, it was the other way around and you said it's what you feel comfortable doing (I have no problems going dutch). I personally love doing Christmas gifts, but you don't so...did we this past year?
You know, it was everything you did when you were with me that made me think that you were such a gentleman. You seemed thoughtful and considerate and that was wonderful considering some past losers/"friends" I've had. It's part of what made me think that you would make a great boyfriend (sorry about your date) when you've found that someone!
Ultimately, you've ALWAYS been there for me and I've been there for you (if you are willing to share) and all of this came to me as a HUGE blow !!!
So, I was listening to this song on the radio and I already knew that because you were feeling Manic (which I've always known), that I would give you a card (in JULY) to let you know that I care and once again....a sign that I'm reaching out to you. As I was listening to this song, I started crying because I thought about you and how much I think you deserve and how sad it makes me that you are feeling the way that you do. That, I can't make you feel better in fact, you don't even want me and around I don't know why. I thought how much I just wanted you to truly be happy. That if I couldn't or Bex or any of your other friends couldn't that someone or something out there would come and give you whatever you need.
What hurts me the most, is that not once have I read on this blog or the other one that you are concerned about me. Not once have you mentioned that you wonder what is going on with me to make me say/do what it is you "believe" I have done. Yet, that's what I did when I sat down to write that letter. I thought of various possibilities as to why you've done a 180 on me.
I thought perhaps you thought maybe I didn't care if I spent time with you and that that we hadn't talked in while. That maybe you didn't think I valued you and our friendship. I tried my best to address them all and to ultimately let you know that I care about and I miss you and if you need/want space to deal with things, you can have it, but I'm here if you need me.
So now it's AUGUST and I've mostly heard nothing from you since APRIL. Yes, you sent me the link to this blog over coming to me and talking to me and spending time with me, which is what I needed and maybe you needed, but... I've been wrong about other things recently haven't I.
Yes, you sent this link to me in late July, but I was busy with my family (had hoped to have them hang with Kayla)....which I actually thought that perhaps it was why I hadn't heard from you (you were giving me time with my family).
Now I'm dealing with something else health related and you're not here... It just sickens me because I don't understand. I'm not giving a guilt trip here, but the truth is, I haven't hung out with you in over 8 months (minus Walmart) and we've haven't really spoken since Mid-April. That everything I do, you for some reason doubt my sincerity and/or are misconstruing my words, I can not believe this is happening.
I am so incredibly crushed. We never fought. I NEVER thought less of you. Yet this experience has shown me how little faith and trust you really had in me. You could talk to me about anything...you chose not to. You could have chosen to think about what could be going on with me and try to reach out to me...but you chose not to. You could have fought for our 6 year friendship, which I said meant more to me than the 12 years of friendship I had with Sarah...and you chose not to.
You know, I also mentioned in my letter how much I miss taking long walks and talking, like when we used to walk the dog (no it's not some code). I even said how those walks aren't the same without you, but you certainly aren't over wanting to go for a walk either.
No, you are here on this blog, dogging me about my failed relationships with men that...well frankly, were fucked in the head (pardon my French). My only mistake was believing in them and it scares me that while I can trust, have faith, patience and understanding, that once again despite that, a relationship is ending for.....for what??? I'm not jealous or petty and there's no name calling or dogging on my end. I just truly want you to have whatever you need to be happy and I honestly thought you cared about me too. It's like I'm in the Twilight Zone and I never in my life thought I could lose a friendship over........over actually needing a friend and trusting that one of them was you.
Post a Comment